Dad,

I need you here so bad. I am crying much more now than I really have during this process ever since the first month of everything. Last night at work, I balled my eyes out to my manager Caleb and I almost had to leave work because I couldn't stop. I have decided that I will go back on the medication that I hate taking and I will also, as sick as it makes me feel, be going to get counseling. I HATE going to counseling, but I know that at this point I have to. Why does this have to be so hard? What did I do to deserve all of this? Why did God take you away from me? This sucks man. I know that it sounds very selfish of me to say that it's not fair that I lost you, but I don't know another way to put it. I understand that I'm not a savior and I know that I'm not perfect, but that shouldn't mean that my dad should be taken away from me. I am really going down a dark path right now. I am loosing will to get up and go through another day. Someone so close to me is taken and I'm just supposed to deal. For what? Another important person in my life dies too? It's bullcrap! Plus, when I try to bring you up, I get told that I put too much emphasis on your death, but then I don't mention you and that means that I'm bottling too much up. Please come back dad. I'm begging you to take another breath. Anyway, love you dad. I still miss you an incredible amount. I'll see you soon.

Love,

Josh