Dad,

How am I supposed to celebrate my birthday this year? I seriously don't know how I am supposed to do it. You aren't here and I am just supposed to put that aside and smile. I don't typically like my birthday because of you not calling me when I was 10, but now it's also a bad day since you're not here. People say it will get better, but it's been 9 months and I don't feel a bit better. Are they just telling me this to try and give me hope? If so, it seems like it's false hope. I don't see it ever getting better. What sucks is that I can't stop thinking about you. No matter the day, the time of day, or the memories I'm making with others. The most difficult thing I do is listening to music because I picture you singing them and I sometimes wish we could sing them together. The tough fact is that no matter how much or hard I wish for another day or moment, it won't happen. If I could take a trip to Heaven, I'd travel and be happy. I try to act okay, but I'm just trying to fool myself. I never thought death could be like this. I also didn't know I could feel this much pain. I just need you here. Please come back for at least a hug. For one more song, for one more I love you, for one more laugh, for one more lesson, for one more day. Don't I deserve that at least? Please come and tell me you're here and never leave my side. Dad I am dying to have another conversation with you to give you an update about the things you've missed. Is that too much to ask? I'm not asking for much. I never knew how much you meant to me until now, when you're gone of course. I miss you so much dad. I love you so much. See you when God says it's my time to go as well.

Love,

Josh